


Chasing Rubies Chasing Gold

by kryptofreak13



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Modern Era, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 10:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3847699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kryptofreak13/pseuds/kryptofreak13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has lived many lives.  Although he and and Merlin manage to always find each other, only Arthur remembers it all.  But this lifetime something is different.  Something isn't right with this life's Merlin.  Arthur is afraid if he can't help him, Merlin might be lost forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasing Rubies Chasing Gold

Arthur never understood the appeal of the Sword in the Stone. Even if it was for kids, it was still really silly.

As he sat there watching the cartoon version of himself (man was that a weird thought) be turned into a squirrel, he couldn’t stop himself from fidgeting. A glance at his watch informed him that class would be over in a few minutes and he would be able to escape the absurdity that was the Disney’s version of his life. How could the legend of his life been so twisted throughout history? How could Arthur the Once and Future King been reduced to a twelve year old who could barely hold a sword?

The sound of the professor’s voice brought him out of his thoughts.

“All right, folks,” he announced, “we will be finishing up next week. Have a good weekend and don’t forget the final is only a few weeks away.”

Arthur rolled his eyes and poked the sleeping form next to him. “Gwaine, wake up.”

More pokes later, his friend grunted and sat up slowly. “If I knew he was going to put on a movie I would have just slept in my room.”

Arthur chuckled. “Yeah. Come on. I want to change before we meet up with Lance.”

They made their way back to Arthur’s apartment. Gwaine prattled on about some girl he had met a few nights ago, but honestly Arthur wasn’t able to pay all that much attention to him.

It had been three months since the world he had known had shattered all around him and he was still adjusting. One day he had woken up, ready for a normal repetitive day. He had been dreading his Arthurian legend class that somehow Gwaine had managed to convince him to take since registration. All he wanted to do was get through classes so he could go back to sleeping.

Of course he knew who Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table were. As a kid he had run around fighting battles with his mates. Their weapon of choice, sticks for swords and garbage can lids as shields. He had saved countless damsel in distress (his very annoyed next door neighbor) from furious fire breathing dragons (her equally annoyed cat). They had fight over who go to play who, Arthur always claiming that because of his name he obviously got to be the king. Gwaine always swore that was stupid, but Arthur would win in the end. It was a silly game, but one they played all the time nevertheless. Gwaine had reminded him of this fact when he was trying to convince Arthur to take the class. “I heard it was a guaranteed A,” had been the argument that had finally convinced him

Still Arthur wasn’t keen on it. He knew at least once he’d be the butt of a joke because of his name. When it came to class he liked to sit in the back and keep his mouth shut, the last thing he wanted getting attention. So on the first day when the name Arthur Penn was called for roll, he flinched expecting some crack or another. But the professor had said nothing. Arthur had felt no greater relief. Of course it was short lived. If it hadn’t been for his idiot friend who announced to everyone, “Actually he prefers being called The Once and Future King” he probably would have gotten through an entire semester without anyone vocalizing the connection.

He left the class feeling very sulky, which of course only made Gwaine laugh even more. At the time Arthur thought his biggest worry for the semester was going to be a professor that always asked for his opinions just cause of the stupid coincidence that was his name. Looking back, he sincerely wished that had been the case.

Later that night he went to bed as Arthur Penn, 22 year old student at university, majoring in business yet still having no clue what he was doing after graduation. If only he had woken up the same.

“Have you been listening at all?” Gwaine lightly shoved his shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts.

Arthur opened his mouth ready to lie, but then decided against it. “Not even a little bit.”

“Lance wants to know if he can bring this chick Gwen tonight. Says she’s the one or something sappy like that.”

Arthur grinned. “Yeah of course.” It was about time they had found each other. He was starting to get worried. Usually it happened sooner. This life was proving to be very different from his previous ones.

xXx

_“You can’t be serious about this, Arthur.”_

_“Merlin, I don’t have a choice. You don’t have to worry about anything if you stay in school. They can’t draft you.”_

_“You know fucking well I can’t stay here learning about human anatomy while you’re off getting yourself killed for some war you don’t even believe in.”_

_“What do you want me to do? My number’s come up. I have to go.”_

_“Not if we leave. Go someplace else. Arthur I can’t lose you.”_

xXx

“So you guys have all known each other since grade school?” Gwen asked rolling the beer bottle between her hands. This time she was a lot shyer than what Arthur was used to. He had met many versions of Gwens, Gwaines, Lancelots, and other friends over the centuries. And while they didn’t change much, there weren’t always exactly carbon copies of those from Camelot.

One thing was always certain though. None of them remembered.

Well, he had once. Although that was a life Arthur tried his best to forget.

Seeing one of his friends for the first time in a life was always exciting and disappointing. Maybe this would be the time someone else remembered Camelot. The first time he was convinced Gwen would. She had been the love of his first life after all. He had expected some grand romantic reunion in which she would have recognized him and they would have kissed one another.

But she hadn’t. And well, they didn’t. Because Arthur had felt nothing like that when he saw her. Where had those feelings so intense that they once made him express that he would have given up the throne gone? It was almost as if they fizzled up, gone in an instant.

Arthur had watched many lives in which Gwen and Lancelot found one another. It became apparent that they had been meant to be. As if Arthur and Gwen’s life together had been a mere fluke, preventing two soulmates from being together.

“Yup. I just can’t seem to rid myself of these idiots,” Gwaine laughed. Lance shot him an annoyed look. “Well who would want to,” Gwaine amended quickly, “Lance is one of the best mates you could have.”

Gwen beamed at Lance. “Is that so?” she asked, earning a sheepish look from him.

“One of the bravest men I know,” added Arthur, without even thinking about it. Whether it was the excessive amount of gin and tonics or the very loud music in the bar, or perhaps a combination of the two, his head was starting to spin a bit. He had been zoning in and out of the conversation for some time now.

Puzzled stares from around the table met his words. “I mean he still lives with Gwaine even though Gwaine continues to be allergic to doing laundry and washing dishes,” he went on, trying to sound normal.

Sometimes it was so difficult to keep all the lives straight. For the most part the current life and the Camelot one were the most clear with the others fuzzy and vague in the recesses of his mind. Only when he actively chose to focus on them did the details start to sharpen. Still the bits and pieces would sometimes blend together until Arthur could no longer distinguish between them. Rarely did it ever become this bad, but sometimes when Arthur was drinking the distinct lines started to blur and the lives bleed together.

His answer managed to appease them for they went back chatting. Every so often Gwaine would observe him out of the corner of his eye, but if he worried he didn’t express it. Arthur had been trying so hard the past few months to not act any differently than Arthur Penn normal bloke, but every so often the King or another version of himself would resurface. Still he was unsure if he was just being paranoid or if Gwaine had noticed too much, if any, change.

The night continued on with Arthur only contributing to the conversation as often as was necessary to not seem like something was wrong. He probably didn’t even need to bother. Gwen and Lance only had eyes for each other.

xXx

_“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”_

_“Don’t be such a girl, Merlin.”_

_“I’m not scared, I just don’t know if this- what’s it called again?”_

_“A Ferris Wheel. Now come on. I’ll hold your hand the whole time.”_

xXx

These days Arthur spent much of his weekends in used bookstores as well as the occasional library. While he told himself that it was to better enrich his mind, he could only ignore the truth for so long. Searching through musty smelling books with peeling spines and faded covers wasn't his exact idea of fun. The words on a page could rarely hold his interest when every time he heard the bell above the door jingle from someone entering, he would gaze up hopeful. But for the past few months his hope had been met with only mere disappointment.

The person he most yearned to see once again failed to walk through those doors week after week. Maybe Fate was punishing him this time. Maybe it had caught on, knowing he would be waiting like a dog eager for its master to come home from work. It wanted to make this challenging for him. Most of his past lives he had found his best friend among the shelves of books. Sometimes it was before he Remembered, sometimes not. It was always worse when it was after. Waiting for _him_ simply hurt. Arthur never could truly feel whole without _him_.

Every day that went by was another without _him._ Arthur was losing his mind from impatience. It was wonderful having Gwen, Gwaine, and Lancelot, but they weren't the person Arthur needed. The one who had risked so much and never asked for anything in return.

For the first time in an hour, the door chimed. Arthur’s head snapped up from the book he was forcing him to be interested in. He hoped in vain to find bright blue eyes stare back at them.

Arthur sighed and put the book back. He needed to stop trying to force fate to make _him_ appear. Perhaps it wasn't meant to happen in his life. And as much as that would hurt, Arthur knew it was for the best. After all he couldn't remember a life that had involved a terrible death that had left him broken waiting for the next to start.


End file.
